Nostalgia...

Warning: This is not a happy post.

Only recently have I begun to realise the full truth behing the adage 'You don't miss something until it's gone'. I understand now that I had failed to appreciate the unproblematic, peaceful life that I had in secondary school. Humans are never happy with what they have, they always want more, better...failing to realise that many people in the world would give a hand and a leg to have a situation even remotely similar to ours. Unfortunately that period of time was also my rebellious teenage years. Even when no problem presents itself from outside sources we stupid beings either go in search of them or create them ourselves to create discord and unhappiness among our loved ones. And I am no better. A day did not go without me fighting with my mother...the cold wars and 'hot' wars that reigned....now when I think back I only want to laugh at my childishness. The result of 2 strong, highly similar personalities clashing can be quite overwhelming...and amusing as well for the spectators (my dad and sis) who smartly refused to get involved...

I come from a nuclear, close knit typical Indian family where everyone shares in the suffering and happines. At least when I was in primary sch, my parents were initially faced with financial difficulties accompanied with adjusting to a new, alien country. Then followed by the horror of retrenchment and desperate seeking of another job...but then I was too young to fully comprehend these problems. In sec sch, no such problems existed. We were sound financially as well as emotionally happy and satisfied.

After sec sch, the unfortunate event happened when my family was forced to coerce with the kooky arrogant nasty neurotic asshole and his equally screwed up family. We walked into a trap with our eyes wide open...our educated, critical family. Even when we attempt to analyse logically how it happened, we fail!!!! What momentarily blinded us? His charm????? but that can't be...we always think with our heads...why God why? We've asked u this many times but yet no answer appears. Why? Fate? Or our sins in our past life? What did we do, especially her, so evil that she has to suffer so much now? No, I don't blame u...I am not angry with u...rather this mishap has made me turn more to you for peace of mind, heart, body and soul. Now I beg u, plead with u, please solve this problem for us, please show us the light at the end of the tunnel...the sooner the better...for I am unsure how long the sanity and hope of my family can be preserved. Please! Now I am aware of the cycle. Things go smoothly and my family momentarily forgets, reverts to happiness...only a slight burdening of the heart and mind. Then something happens, that brings us firmly back to harsh reality, and the burden is back with full force, crushing us under its weight, stifling our breath. I will be more prepared next time! God give us strength to face this challenge head on and forgive us for our sins. Lead us down the correct path...

Request : For those who read this and know me, please do not ask me anything about this in person or via any other medium. I am not in a situation where I can share this matter as it is not resolved as yet. Do forgive me. And please do interact with me normally (ie. don't pity us nor attempt to share in our sorrow). Rather I would prefer to be immersed in happiness when I'm with u guys :). I suggest that u read this post and then forget about it. I actually didn't want to publish it, but I needed to get this off my chest and now I feel much better.