DISAPPOINTED....really disappointed

sigh...today has been a bad day for me. on my way to sch, at the mrt station...i stepped on a rubber band on the floor and nearly fell...so stupid...i noe a rubber band reduces friction, blahblah, but wat the hell? who falls coza a rubber band? also i was cramping a little on the mrt making me worried whether it'll get worse. but thank god, it din, it disappeared. then i met the person who's selling the marketing bk to me at boon lay....whoosh, money gone.

then i went sch and suddenly during lesson my slipper broke. i noe i have a tendency to play with my slippers when i'm sitting during lecture and tuts....but this really sucked, how was i to go home? so during break, i went downstairs to popular to buy super glue, but the bloody thing stuck temporarirly only, it broke again on my walk back to the seminar rm. so i figured maybe i hadn't given it time to dry. so i just left it as it is. then thank goodness it had dried at the end of the lesson. fine, but it was still uncomfortable to walk in and i was so scared it'll break each time i took a step. never realised how many steps i walk each time to go to sch. i thought ok, fine i'll get a new pair. so i went down to popular again...haha...to try my luck, but they don't have. then i walked to the shop at quad. but they only had a very large slipper size. so finally, i went jp to buy a new pair, at least one gd thing happened. it was the fastest i'd ever bought a pair...haha...usually i take super looooooong to buy anything. i'm so fickle-minded. i'll keep asking my mom or sis, then think, then think again...is it cheap? is it comfortable? does it look ok on my foot? shd i get a bigger size? shd i get a different colour? etc...etc. frankly, i really hate thinking so much. dats when i wish i was rich. coz i've got rich tastes. but well its juz extragavant to buy such stuff. so i muz analyse and inner debates go on. if i was rich i think i wld juz buy wateva i liked and wateva colours i want and wateva. well, dats wat i think...haha, u never noe...maybe even if i was rich i wld do the same thing. anw, money gone again. and i felt so stupid after the whole thing, coz i cld have juz gone home...considering how much extra i walked...lol

anw, at jp and all the way home, i kept trippin and nearly falling. dunno wat was wrong. even with the new slippers. i remember it happened at least two more times. finally i came home. i called the guy, sth i put off for very long. i thought he wld really help me. but well disappointment, real disappointment. it really was too much. when they promise so much, then it all goes in a WHOOSH, in one instant...i was super pissed. it was so impt for me. he has the power but will juz not do it or even try. all my relatives are like that. they never offer help only take. or juz blow hot air for it to result in nth. my entire community is like that. that's why i really dun like them. or maybe its juz indians...haha...never help, only prevent other pple frm rising. my tamil tchr in pri sch used to say the story of the crabs. there were 3 baskets with crabs in them. one basket had chinese crabs, the middle one malay crabs and the last one indian crabs. when u open the first one, the crabs are helping each other to get out of the basket by forming a human (erm crab) ladder, so that the rest can climb out. same for the second one. but in the third basket...one crab tries to get out by holding the side of the basket, but another one pulls it down preventing it from escaping. haha....i din understand the significance of this story until i had my own share of experiences. frm this silly story, she imparted such wisdom, such truth.

so i'm back to being as screwed up as before. with my future so uncertain. my grades like crap and i moz prob won't be able to get a job. so i told my mom, be prepared. moz prob i'm gonna be jobless as expected juz like my sis was. at least they'll be more prepared. though, they certainly din expect it frm me, their 'golden daughter' in their view who never gave probs regarding her future except that once and now once again in future when i graduate. oh no...i've written an essay! sorry...well, i feel much better now, after venting all my frustrations. :)

Mood : initially super pissed, now less pissed

Time to Update

i have not updated this blog for like soooooo long. haha....i'm such a disgrace to blogging. wat can i do? i'm juz so lazy. so wat has happened in my life since my last update? lets see....my horrible exam results for yr 2 sem 1 came out and it was so bad, i was surprised i wasn't kicked out of ABP. Then we had another horrendous sem, although i felt less stressed as compared to previous sem. Maybe I am becoming numb to the horribleness. There were fewer tests this sem, but instead was replaced with weekly homework which was graded plus many projects towards the end. I can't decide which is worse. haha...lets weigh the pros and cons:

Tests :
Pro - forces you to study and catch up with what's been taught
Con - suuuper stressful when u have 4 tests in a wk, like was the case in yr 2 sem 1

Homework :
Pro - much less stressful
Con - though it makes u do tut every wk, it doesn't mean u learn. u can always do tuts by juz
flipping thru the notes or when u don't have the time to do u can juz copy from ur friends

Overall, my conclusion is erm....no conclusion. haha...coz i was a gd gal, i did not copy frm my frens, i only discussed with them the difficult questions. plus i always read the notes (but only relevant to the tut parts sometimes). the thing however is for both u don't remember everything u read clearly when u study for exams. but i think u remember better wat u studied for tests. thus, i can't believe i'm saying this but tests are better. but not to the craziness of 4 tests a wk. thats absurdity!

then results came out, it was better than previous sem. but when comparing with friends i'm still a large notch below them. sigh...where's my motivation. i have got to buck up. i can't keep doing this. There seems to be ZERO demand for bioengineers in the market. so the only way, i can survive is to get gd grades so that i have a better chance at a job. But so far, i have failed to do so. I only have 3 more sems of exams, I think the hope might be lost, but i'm juz gonna hope for the best. its time to buck up! i must get back to my A level momentum. My future rice bowl shall be my motivation. i must work hard! This is my mid-year resolution and I sincerely hope it sticks.

Mood : slackers galore
Doing : past few days i'm stuck to watching greys' anatomy and heroes on youtube