Nostalgia...

Warning: This is not a happy post.

Only recently have I begun to realise the full truth behing the adage 'You don't miss something until it's gone'. I understand now that I had failed to appreciate the unproblematic, peaceful life that I had in secondary school. Humans are never happy with what they have, they always want more, better...failing to realise that many people in the world would give a hand and a leg to have a situation even remotely similar to ours. Unfortunately that period of time was also my rebellious teenage years. Even when no problem presents itself from outside sources we stupid beings either go in search of them or create them ourselves to create discord and unhappiness among our loved ones. And I am no better. A day did not go without me fighting with my mother...the cold wars and 'hot' wars that reigned....now when I think back I only want to laugh at my childishness. The result of 2 strong, highly similar personalities clashing can be quite overwhelming...and amusing as well for the spectators (my dad and sis) who smartly refused to get involved...

I come from a nuclear, close knit typical Indian family where everyone shares in the suffering and happines. At least when I was in primary sch, my parents were initially faced with financial difficulties accompanied with adjusting to a new, alien country. Then followed by the horror of retrenchment and desperate seeking of another job...but then I was too young to fully comprehend these problems. In sec sch, no such problems existed. We were sound financially as well as emotionally happy and satisfied.

After sec sch, the unfortunate event happened when my family was forced to coerce with the kooky arrogant nasty neurotic asshole and his equally screwed up family. We walked into a trap with our eyes wide open...our educated, critical family. Even when we attempt to analyse logically how it happened, we fail!!!! What momentarily blinded us? His charm????? but that can't be...we always think with our heads...why God why? We've asked u this many times but yet no answer appears. Why? Fate? Or our sins in our past life? What did we do, especially her, so evil that she has to suffer so much now? No, I don't blame u...I am not angry with u...rather this mishap has made me turn more to you for peace of mind, heart, body and soul. Now I beg u, plead with u, please solve this problem for us, please show us the light at the end of the tunnel...the sooner the better...for I am unsure how long the sanity and hope of my family can be preserved. Please! Now I am aware of the cycle. Things go smoothly and my family momentarily forgets, reverts to happiness...only a slight burdening of the heart and mind. Then something happens, that brings us firmly back to harsh reality, and the burden is back with full force, crushing us under its weight, stifling our breath. I will be more prepared next time! God give us strength to face this challenge head on and forgive us for our sins. Lead us down the correct path...

Request : For those who read this and know me, please do not ask me anything about this in person or via any other medium. I am not in a situation where I can share this matter as it is not resolved as yet. Do forgive me. And please do interact with me normally (ie. don't pity us nor attempt to share in our sorrow). Rather I would prefer to be immersed in happiness when I'm with u guys :). I suggest that u read this post and then forget about it. I actually didn't want to publish it, but I needed to get this off my chest and now I feel much better.

Graduation Ceremony

Last week, i went for my sister's graduation ceremony/teachers' investiture. God, I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bored. wahaha...i mean there were 747 pple walking up the stage one by one, shaking hands with the dean or whoever and receiving their cert. c'mon how long can a person keep clapping??????? i think i gave up after the Chow's...and dat is considered an achievement since most pple stopped after the Ang's...Imagine this scenario... The emcee is reading the Foo's now, I am carrying out my favourite activity (aka stoning), the woman sitting beside me is talking to her hubby, the guy sitting beside my mom is reading the chinese newspaper, the guy in front of us is sleeping comfortably with his cheek against the cushioned seat(yes, u read it right! i'm surprised he didn't drool!), the hp of the gal behind us rings (a very cute ringtone...) and she answers, a few rows ahead a guy devours his breakfast. All this in the vicinity of the gallery in Nanyang Audi and almost NOONE was clapping. At least one man was enthu enough to lean over the railings and occassionally even exercise his arms and hips (but i suspect that's coz he cldnt sit for long in the slightly uncomfortable seat). Only the graduates in the floor below were clapping to urge each other on. I admire their sense of unity.

Sporadically, the relatives of the graduate shaking hands at that point will clap very enthusiastically...cameras will flash and/or videocams will record their loved one's every moment across the stage. After this, the family gets up and exits the audi (even the free refreshments promised after the ceremony not enough of an enticement). Ok...not all the families left but quite a few did. My mom also pointed out that maybe they were rushing back to work considering its a weekday...so I shan't scorn them. Meanwhile I started to make statistics. Tan is one of the commonest surnames. There were 2 whole pages...so i estimate abt 100 Tan's. Many Malays and Indians have names in the vicinity of M, N and S. I also came to the conclusion that gals shd try to name their children or marry a guy whose surname is within the first half of the English alphabet. Well for the guys...too bad is all I can say...Haha...

Dun worry i made sure i scolded my mom for naming both of us starting with S. At least my sis is Sa but I'm Su!!!! So that's atleast 40 more pple in between. Ok...enough crap for a day...;P

Disclaimer : The content above is meant for strictly entertainment purposes only and is not meant as an insult on any particular person or group. hahaha....i'm being super lame...i juz cldnt resist the temptation...gosh wat's wrong with me????!!!! *slaps forehead*

General Musings - Laziness

Well, since its a week since my last entry...i decided that i shd update my blog. I have an endless list of stupid things to write abt...but i was feeling lazy to actually sit down and put them into words. That brings me to the topic of laziness...haha...(my favourite ;D) If a person were to ask me wat I've been doing this hols, my immediate reply wld be NOTHING!!!! And I'm not exaggerating. Coz seriously I've done nothing. Its like time juz passes u by...without u doing anything useful or productive...but the danger arises when u really have a lot of time in ur hands but still can't make urself do sth...for eg. write an entry for ur blog. Now dats called lethargy & I shan't fall prey to it!

So wat have I been doing? Hmm...lets see...eat, sleep, watch tv, watch movies, surf net, read bks...mostly. But doing useless things also reaches a saturation level until u bcm bored. Which is the state I am in currently. Now I wldn't mind going to school...The only disadvantage of school are the tests and exams! Why can't there be sch without exams????? I bet every student yearns for such an education system. But to no avail. If you were to choose between a) exams and b) utter boredom what wld be ur choice? My choice wld be (b). Coz I now realise dat u are the master of ur own time! There are soooooo many activities u can do. Such that u can turn utter boredom into utter enjoyment! Or the very least occupy yourself and achieve productiveness. Of course, one shd also have leisure time at the side, if not we will surely go nuts. It juz isn't right for leisure to be our only occupation.

Anu's Arangetram

Last week, I went to anu's arangetram with great trepidation...it was like a RG gal's gathering or sth...haha...it was quite nice to see so many pple who i have'nt seen for soooooooooo long. Of course I did feel uncomfortable coz all these pple were either frm RJ or NJ and everyone seemed to know each other. More often than not, I ended up standing near feeling like an eavesdropper (after the performance when we were waiting for anu to come out). For example, in a group of 4 pple talking I knew 2 or 3 pple. Of course, I could have joined in the conversation apart frm the fact that these pple meet up fairly often and are still in the same conversation wavelength. It made me realise a few yr's apart often means that u dun really have much to talk to the person apart frm the performance, their studies or the World Cup.

But i'm really glad I went and it makes me regret not keeping in touch with them. Then I think back to the awards ceremony last yr...there were quite a few RG gals there as well and I din seem to have trouble talking to them...so why did I feel out of place there? coz there were many more pple there (many non-RG pple whom I'd never seen before as well)? or was i too stoned after the performance? or coz all my previous insecurities came flooding back to me? I was never that much an outspoken person that I juz go and talk to pple I dun noe...but i'm not an introvert either that i dun talk to strangers at all...so i came to the conclusion that my sis is right...i'm juz a weirdo...hahaha...well, at least anu was happy to see me and she's the reason i went in the first place.